Ivan Modunkaev, Anecdotes
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Ivan recounts 5 anecdotes. 1) A schoolgirl says to her mother: ‘Our teacher gave me a task to translate a couple of words into Kalmyk. Will you help me?’ Mother: ‘Go to your father.’ Father: ‘Go to your grandmother, she is the only person who can help you with this.’ Annoyed and weeping, the girls says to her parents: ‘You mother sent me to father, you father sent me on to grandmother, why you don’t want to teach me?’ 2) And old woman says to her husband: ‘Come and have a cup of tea.’ Husband: ‘I need to go to the pharmacy’. When her husband returns, the woman asks: ‘Well, did you get what you wanted?’ Husband: ‘Yes, I did.’ Old woman: ‘And what was that?’ Husband: ‘A pill for constipation.’ No sooner does he swallow a pill, he hears his stomach make funny sound. After relieving himself in the toilet, he mumbles: ‘Eh, I have spent all these money, and for what?’ Old woman snaps: ‘I told you, you could have saved your money had you drunk my tea.’ 3) After getting married to a Torghut man, a Derbet bride sends her parents a tin as a present from her village. Her mother opens the tin and seeing a jellylike stuff inside, throws it into the bin. Later her husband learns about the present, finds it from the bin and says to his wife, grinning with pleasure: ‘I see, our smart daughter has not forgotten me and she sent me lubricant for the wheels of my old cart!’ And he lubricates his cart with the stuff from the tin. Some time passes and the girl comes to visit her parents. She asks them whether they liked the present. After hearing about what her father did with the tin, she screams in bewilderment: ‘Father what have you done? It was caviar worth Rub 30000 ($500)!’ 4) People from all parts of Soviet Kalmykia gather for an important Party meeting. The venue is full with toilers. First marches into the podium a man with a protruding belly and a big suitcase. The audience whisper: ‘He is a Buzava’. Next comes, as if gliding on the ice, a tall man with a white shirt, a tie and slick black trousers, holding a folder in his hands. Everybody in the audience whispers to each other: ‘That must be a Torghut.’ The last comes a man without a suitcase or folders. Everybody recognizes him as a Derbet. In his speech the Buzava man calls upon the audience to fulfill a 5-year plan in 4 years. Everybody feels inspired by his speech and claps pledging to work harder. To inspire the audiences even more, the Torghut man asks the toilers to fulfil the plan in 3 years. Everybody gets more excited, whistling and clapping. Instead giving a beautiful speech, the Derbet speaker simply says: ‘Okay, now all let’s go out and do it!’ The idea behind this anecdote is that, Buzavas and Torghuts are good at talking empty words, but it is Derbets who are practical and do all the heavy work. 5) This anecdote is about three old men – one limping, another deaf and the third blind - who crash a party.